by Dave Thomas
The month begins and ends with unconventional superheroes. Slightly different demos, though.
MARCH 6
WATCHMEN
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Think The Incredibles, but like, really, really, really, really dark. Really.
WILL IT SUCK?
With 300, Zack Snyder took the technology pioneered in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and The Phantom Menace and manipulated it to recreate the look and feel of a comic. While he’s using more actual sets this time out, it seems clear (especially from the trailers) that he gets the importance of the aesthetic and how to achieve it. As far as the actual depth of the comic, which is what separates it from the pack, on a story level at least it appears he’s stayed true to the darkness. David Hayter, who co-penned the better X-films, had a hand in the adaptation. The casting is also promising, employing talented lesser-knowns like Matthew Goode and Jackie Earle Haley. The 20 minutes shown at Butt-Numb-a-thon apparently killed.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Anticipation is huge, but highest among a fairly select group of fans. I mean, had you heard of Watchmen before this movie was announced? I only know about it because I once made a concerted effort to learn more about graphic novels and this was one of the first (and most often) recommended. I wonder if this is a few people anticipating loudly instead of the masses being truly psyched. Still if 300, an even more obscure comic, could get by on kick-ass visuals, there’s no reason this can’t. $236mil.
————————————–
ALL ABOUT STEVE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Sandra Bullock stalks Bradley Cooper. But, you know, in a cute way.
WILL IT SUCK?
You lost me at “from the writer of License to Wed.” And the supporting cast looks much more interesting than the leads: Thomas Haden Church, Ken Jeong, DJ Qualls, Keith David, M.C. Gainey and Jason Jones. Can they make the movie with just them?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Who dares open against Watchmen? A romcom, of course. $44mil.
————————————–
12
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
12 Angry Russians
WILL IT SUCK?
Personally, I don’t know what you’re going to do with the near-perfect original, but early buzz is good. Nominated last year for an Oscar. Writer/director already took one home for Burnt by the Sun.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Releasing a Russian-language remake of 12 Angry Men wide might make more sense if (a) we all spoke Russian (b) a wide-release-sized audience had heard of 12 Angry Men. $2mil.
————————————–
MARCH 13
————————————–
RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
That mountain. Get it? Cos’ I’m using the homonym “which” in place of “witch.” It’s really funny if you’re in my head. And kind of drunk. Anyway, in a remake of the movie I dug as a kid even though I don’t remember much about it, The Rock picks up a couple of alien kids in his cab and tries to protect them from the government and an alien bounty hunter.
WILL IT SUCK?
From the director of She’s the Man and The Game Plan and writers behind Bedtime Stories, The Wild and Godsend. Admittedly, one of those writers scribed Live Free or Die Hard, but that’s one small drop of awesome in a pool of meh.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Slim crossover between the audiences for the second frame of Watchmen and next week’s Knowing, so effectively little competition. $77mil.
————————————–
LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
If you’ve just assaulted a woman, don’t look for refuge at her parent’s house.
WILL IT SUCK?
The one ray of hope here is co-screenwriter Carl Ellsworth, who penned Red Eye and co-penned Disturbia, both above-average thrillers. Other than that, I expect nothing more from this than from any other horror remake.
WILL IT SUCK?
No horror competition. $21mil.
————————————–
A PERFECT GETAWAY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Couple on vacation vs. killer hikers.
WILL IT SUCK?
As a writer/director, David Twohy (Pitch Black, Below) is usually worth paying attention to (Chronicles of Riddick notwithstanding). And it’s always fun to watch Timothy Olyphant play a bad guy.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
As a writer/director, Twohy’s films tend not to make much money (Chronicles of Riddick notwithstanding). $15mil.
————————————–
MISS MARCH
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy gets knocked unconscious on prom night and wakes up four years later to find out his girlfriend is a playboy bunny. Road trip to Hef’s ensues.
WILL IT SUCK?
That depends. How into The Whitest Kids U’Know are you? Two of them (Zach Cregger & Trevor Moore) are the writer/director/leads. I think I’ve seen one of their videos and it was pretty funny. And some of the bits in the trailer get a chuckle.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The slightly better known Paul Rudd and Jason Segel headline I Love You, Man the following week, so this better grab some cash while it can. $9mil.
————————————–
SUNSHINE CLEANING
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Two sisters (Amy Adams, Emily Blunt) start a crime scene cleanup business to make ends meet.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good-but-not-great. Director Christine Jeff’s (presumably cheerier) follow up to Plath bio-pic Sylvia got a Grand Jury nod at Sundance ’08. I’ll see Adams in just about anything, and Alan Arkin, Mary Lynn Rajskub and Clifton Collins, Jr. are up in here, too.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The Great Buck Howard could be an issue the following week, but up indies have a slight edge. $3mil.
————————————–
MARCH 20
————————————–
DUPLICITY
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Ocean’s Two
WILL IT SUCK?
Tony Gilroy bought himself a lot of credibility with Michael Clayton (writer/director) and the Bourne franchise (writer). Here he writes and directs with Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti and Tom Wilkinson on board. And not for nothing, but Clive Owen is one funny motherfucker when he wants to be (see Children of Men, seriously). Here’s hoping this gives a chance for his dry, British wit to shine.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Tough competition. I Love You, Man and Knowing this week plus Monsters vs. Aliens the next. Still, it is Julia Roberts. $67mil.
————————————–
I LOVE YOU, MAN
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy (Paul Rudd) who only has female friends tries to find a male one to be his best man.
WILL IT SUCK?
The most shocking thing about this film is that with the casting of Paul Rudd and Jason Segel, Judd Apatow is in no way involved. Writers are a mixed bag, having done everything from both Doctor Doolittles to Zoolander. Director did both Along Came Polly and Safe Men, so do they cancel each other out? Early buzz is good. Some good supporting cast, too: Rashida Jones, J. K. Simmons, Andy Samberg, Jon Favreau, Aziz Ansari and Jane Curtin. Yup, Jane Curtin.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Between the audience Rudd brings from Role Models and Segel brings from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, this should do well. $63mil.
————————————–
KNOWING
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Nick Cage’s kid can tell the future, and it’s all disaster-y.
WILL IT SUCK?
I’m usually willing to give director Alex Proyas (The Crow, Dark City, I, Robot) the benefit of the doubt. Although his gaggle of writers here has produced such work as Boogeyman, so I’m not scared in the good way. Early buzz, though, has this being pretty intense.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Last time Nick Cage could see the future, it didn’t turn out so well. $23mil.
————————————–
SIN NOMBRE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Guy and a girl try to flee their native Honduras for America with the guy’s former gang hot on their trail.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good, but more among critics than audiences. Nabbed cinematography and directing trophies at Sundance.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The Great Buck Howard could be a bit of a problem. $4mil.
————————————–
THE GREAT BUCK HOWARD
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Faded celebrity mentalist (John Malkovich) tries to stage a comeback.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. Great cast, too, with Colin Hanks (and his dad), Emily Blunt, Griffin Dunne, George Takei, Steve Zahn, Conan O’Brien and, at long last, John and Martha Stewart in the same film.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Magnolia’s been getting better at marketing, and this is one of the strongest casts they’ve ever had. $6mil.
————————————–
SEX POSITIVE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Documentary profiling Richard Berkowitz, one of the first men to advocate safe sex in the gay community during the early years of the AIDS crisis.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed. The IMDB rating ain’t so hot but it won the Grand Jury Award at L.A. Outfest.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A lot of competition and docs aren’t doing so well. $1mil.
————————————–
MARCH 27
————————————–
ADVENTURELAND
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Superbad Amusement Park
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is good. From the director of Superbad. He writes this time, too. Last time he did both, it was The Daytrippers, which people seemed to like. Cast is good, with Jesse “Indie Michael Cera” Eisenberg, Bill Hader and Ryan Reynolds.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Monsters Vs. Aliens is a problem this week and Fast & Furious is a problem the next. $33mil.
————————————–
MONSTERS VS. ALIENS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The monsters are the good guys in this scenario.
WILL IT SUCK?
Five screenwriters from everything from Kung Fu Panda to The Rocker. Directors have co-credits on Shark Tale and Shrek 2 between them. Cast is less of a mixed bag: Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Hugh Laurie, Keifer Sutherland, Rainn Wilson, Will Arnett and Stephen Colbert.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Nobody’s gonna fuck with Monsters vs. Aliens. $155mil.
————————————–
THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Betcha it’s a Yaley ghost.
WILL IT SUCK?
The writers have done everything from Carnosaur to Kalifornia with a little bit of Revenge of the Nerds thrown in for good measure. I can’t wait for the scene where the ghosts do an impromptu pop instrumental with an electric violin. Virginia Madsen gets back into the horror game for the first time since Candyman and Elias Koteas and that guy who played Beaver on Veronica Mars are along for the ride. Trailer looks exceedingly generic.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Feels like a body dump. $17mil.
————————————–
12 ROUNDS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
The rounds are challenges a cop (John Cena) has to face to win back his kidnapped girlfriend.
WILL IT SUCK?
Will probably be as good as any other Renny Harlin or WWE-produced film.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Probably about as well as any other Renny Harlin or WWE-produced film. $19mil.
————————————–
JANKY PROMOTERS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Two promoters (Ice Cube, Mike Epps), who happen to be janky, try to book a superstar rapper who’s out of their league. Janky shenanigans ensue.
WILL IT SUCK?
From the director of Friday After Next. Ice Cube, who wrote the original Friday, wrote this, but he also wrote Friday After Next. Just can’t get away from that flick.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Given that as of early March, the film’s Web site had nothing more posted than the definition of the word “janky,” I’m thinking more Longshots than First Sunday. $12mil.
————————————–
THE EDUCATION OF CHARLIE BANKS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Bad boy from a kid’s past shows up again when the kid goes to college and starts making trouble.
WILL IT SUCK?
So you remember how Fred Durst directed The Longshots last year? No? Well, he did. Anyway, he directed this first. Early buzz is good. Won a Best “Made in NY” Award at Tribeca. Jesse Eisenberg stars.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not much competition. $2mil.
Next Month: So they managed to get back Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, but they couldn’t get back the word “The”?
