The February 2009 Movie Preview

by Dave Thomas

Gomorra
Looks like your best movie options this month are to stay in making lousy Oscar predictions and hoping that Dollhouse doesn’t suck.
FEBRUARY 6
HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Love, Not Actually
WILL IT SUCK?
If this were a TV show, I’d have more confidence. Director Ken Kwapis has helmed some solid eps of The Office and Freaks and Geeks. The one thing I didn’t like about his Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, on the other hand, was the direction. Never saw Vibes or Dunstin Checks In, though. And the writers did Never Been Kissed.
Remarkably recognizable casting, though: Jennifers Aniston and Connelly, Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck…but I’m most psyched to see Justin Long and Ginnifer Goodwin together again for the first time since Ed.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A little bit of competition from Dance Flick and Pink Panther 2 this week, but next week is the real bear, Confessions of a Shopaholic. $61mil.
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THE PINK PANTHER 2
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
This is what you get for going to see Pink Panther 1, America.
WILL IT SUCK?
Even during the trailer I was going “Oh, my God, is this thing still going?” They’ve added some top shelf talent (John Cleese, Alfred Molina, Andy Garcia, Aishwarya Rai) but they kind of had that already (Cleese replaces Kevin Kline). Agent Cody Banks and One Night at McCool’s director Harald Zwart takes over for Night at the Museum 2-bound Shawn Levy and the writers are brand new. As with the first, Martin has a screenplay co-credit but I just refuse to believe it.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The only thing with this high of a profile for miles around is Friday the 13th, and that’s a completely different demographic (although a Clouseau/Jason crossover flick would rock). $71mil.
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CORALINE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Girl finds a parallel universe with an alternative, perfect family for her…or is it?
WILL IT SUCK?

Pop quiz: Who directed The Nightmare Before Christmas? If you said Tim Burton, you are wrong. It was this guy, who now helms this 3D stop motion animation fest, adapting it from Neil Gaiman’s book. The cherry on top? John Hodgman graduates to voice work.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Pink Panther 2 is going to nab most of the kid audience, although this skews slightly older. $39mil.
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PUSH
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Heroes. Except…no, wait, it’s pretty much Heroes.
WILL IT SUCK?
Before you think, “Oh, there goes another comic book adaptation,” the comic was created co-currently with the movie. So there. Still not psyched. Director Paul McGuigan’s Lucky Number Slevin was okay. Haven’t really heard of anything the writer did. I’m kind of a sucker for these special abilities stories but I’m not delusional about its chances. Nice to see Dakota Fanning not play “cute” for once.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
There is just way too much competition for this to get the Jumper cash for which it is clearly striving. $40mil.
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FANBOYS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Geeks attempt to steal a print of The Phantom Menace before its release so their sick friend can see it before he dies.
WILL IT SUCK?
Film has had plenty of time to get vetted in its long road to release, and the version showed at comic-con last year seemed to get plaudits. Not loving the trailer, but it did produce what may be my favorite line from a trailer in 2008, “I’m William Shatner. I can score anything.” Looks like there’ll be a lot of nifty cameos. But let’s cut to brass tacks; any movie about Star Wars geeks that’s even halfway decent has me at hello.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Will probably benefit from all the internet buzz surrounding its oft-delayed release. $9mil.
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FEBRUARY 13
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CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
How to Lose a Credit Rating in 10 Days
WILL IT SUCK?
They’ve assembled some degree of talent behind the camera. Director P. J. Hogan obviously knows his way around a romantic comedy (My Best Friend’s Wedding, Muriel’s Wedding). And the gaggle of writers have penned such fare as Ally McBeal and the excellent-but-overlooked Calendar Girls. And Isla Fisher is a funny, funny woman. That having been said, the trailer does not inspire confidence.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Has the name recognition of the novels, just like He’s Just Not That Into You from the week before, but without its cast. Plus, do people really want to see a movie about shopping in a down economy? (I could see that going either way, actually.) $46mil.
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THE INTERNATIONAL
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Clive Owen and Naomi Watts vs. Big Evil Bank
WILL IT SUCK?
I recently rewatched director Tom Tykwer’s Run Lola Run and it holds up. Of course, he also wrote that. He only directed this. So at least I can say the action will probably be cool. (Don’t know much about the writer.) Also, I’m sure Armin Mueller-Stahl will kick ass.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Crowded marketplace, but not crowded with thrillers. $55mil.
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UNDER THE SEA 3D
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Remember that scene in The Little Mermaid where they sing that song about being under the sea? Well, this is just like that except it’s not animated, they’re not singing and Jim Carrey is narrating.
WILL IT SUCK?
Deep Sea, the 3D IMAX underwater flick that precedes this, was supposed to be da bom, and this has the same director. Other than that, it’s a bunch of fish on a big fuckin’ screen in 3D, what more do you want?
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
This is the first time, as far as I can tell, that an IMAX nature doc is getting a wide release in non-IMAX theaters (anyone feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). So it’s kind of unprecedented. I can tell you that Deep Sea did damn well on its run…but that lasted two years. $10mil.
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FRIDAY THE 13TH
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Somehow they waited until now to do this horror remake.
WILL IT SUCK?
Well, did you like the Texas Chainsaw remake? Same director. Writers from Freddy vs. Jason, but I don’t think this will be as funny. But hey, Dick from Veronica Mars is up in here!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Unlike last month, horror is scarce in February. Oh, and I think people have heard of the title before. $61mil.
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TWO LOVERS
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Joaquin Phoenix tries to choose between Gwyneth Paltrow and Vinessa Shaw before giving it all up to become a rapper. That last part’s only happening in real life.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is mixed with audiences being more in love than critics, which echoes co-writer/director James Gray’s last effort, We Own the Night.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The fact that it’s Phoenix’s last performance might draw some onlookers. $4mil.
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GOMORRA
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Crime drama revolving around the notoriously vicious Naples underworld.
WILL IT SUCK?
Early buzz is fantastic. Won all sorts of international kudos last year, including the Grand Prize at Cannes (and, no, I don’t know how that differs from the Palm D’Or). In spite of this, somehow failed to make the Oscar shortlist for Best Foreign Film.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Could have used the publicity of an Oscar nod. $2mil.
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FEBRUARY 20
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TYLER PERRY’S MADEA GOES TO JAIL
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Read the title. Oh, and Rudy Huxtable grows up to be a ho.
WILL IT SUCK?
If you liked all the other Tyler Perry films, no. And this one has Dr. Phil!
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Tyler Perry films are fairly competition-proof. Especially when Madea’s in the title. $53mil.
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YOUTH IN REVOLT
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Coming of age story with Michael Cera.
WILL IT SUCK?
Based on the popular series by C.D. Payne. From Good Girl and Chuck & Buck director Miguel Arteta. Adapted by Charlie Bartlett screenwriter Gustin Nash. Cast includes Justin Long, Ray Liotta, Steve Buscemi, Jean Smart, Fred Willard and M. Emmet Walsh. I’d say the stars have aligned.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
The teen demo has a lot more distractions right about now, including Friday the 13th and Shopaholic from the previous week, Fired Up this week and the Jonas Bros. next week. $15mil.
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FIRED UP
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Two high school football players pose as cheerleaders at a cheerleading camp cos, you know, its so hard to get laid as a high school football player.
WILL IT SUCK?
A lot of unkowns here. Director William Gluck has produced some good TV (Andy Richter Controls the Universe) but hasn’t directed before. And writer’s a newbie. Trailer‘s generic.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
A lot of competition for the teen audience right now. Should outdo Youth at least. $32mil.
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FEBRUARY 27
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JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Kind of like The Last Waltz, but with The Jonas Brothers. And in 3D.
WILL IT SUCK?
Really? Is the choice of director going to make ANY difference in whether or not you want to spend 90 minutes with the Jonas Brothers? If Peter Fucking Jackson directed it, and you normally hated the Jonas Brothers, would you turn around and say, “Shit, Fool! Why didn’t you SAY Peter Jackson wuz directing this bitch!”
I didn’t think so. And, yeah, it’s the same guy who directed the Miley Cyrus concert film.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Unless there’s a Cheetah Girls movie coming out that I don’t know about, this has no competition. $66mil.
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STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
I don’t know if it’s best to think of this as a reboot of the 1994 movie version of the game, or just a version with the exact same plot as the Mortal Kombat movie.
WILL IT SUCK?
Okay, I’m one of the few guys who actually liked Romeo Must Die, but even that doesn’t make up for director Andrzej Bartkowiak’s Cradle 2 the Grave, Exit Wounds, or Doom.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Even without Watchmen blowing everything out of the fanboy water next week, I don’t think anyone was clamoring for a Street Fighter movie to begin with. $31mil.
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CROSSING OVER
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
Traffic for illegal immigration.
WILL IT SUCK?
I’ll give writer/director Wayne Kramer some credit. The Cooler was renowned and Running Scared (not that one, that one was freakin’ perfect) was underrated in its own little fucked-up way, but the trailer for this just looks god-awful. Like some bad TV show about immigration as opposed to a good movie. It is interesting to see Harrison Ford in a limited release, but still.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Not much competition. And the name-recognition could help. $8mil.
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ASSASSINATION OF A HIGH SCHOOL PRESIDENT
WHAT’S THE PITCH?
A comedic-noir-ish investigation of missing SATs at a high school.
WILL IT SUCK?
Hit at Sundance ’08. Early buzz is good. Supposed to have a bit of a Brick vibe.
HOW WELL WILL IT DO?
Will probably be a casualty of Yari Film Group’s economic woes. $2mil.
Next month: Zack Snyder’s moment of truth.