Guys, I think we might have fucked up. For years we metalheads have fantasized about hell on earth. From the goat altars of satanic black metal to the fire-licked peaks of every tech-death album cover ever, we imagined an underworld ascended—a dark fantasy dragged into the light. Now that we are living it on a day-to-day (and executive-order-to-executive-order basis), however, it’s safe to say we got more than we bargained for. So sorry earth. Our bad. We’ll try to keep our mouths shut next time (if there is a next time).
Alright Lars, count us in [click, click, click, stumble, click].
Following the holiday and post-holiday illness-related hiatus, we are back with the first TOGTE of the new and mundanely terrifying year. As always, we will be covering new records, local shows, and other assorted headlines from across the metal-verse, so strap in and prepare for self-implosion.
Anddddd we’re back. Apologies for the Thanksgiving-related departure last week, but what’s the point of all this goat-slaying satanic black metal without a nuclear family and a tiny hometown to terrify with it?
Welcome to the apocalypse, America. Here’s your fucking soundtrack.
With October lumbering in the rear view like Leatherface with a chainsaw, we now turn our metallic attentions somewhat ambivalently toward the holiday season, where list-mas lurks just a few weeks off. Before we get there, however, we have a ton of ground to cover, so let’s get to it.
Burned out on this heatwave? Join the fucking party, pal. Trust me when I say it’s cooler down here, six feet under.