Guys, I think we might have fucked up. For years we metalheads have fantasized about hell on earth. From the goat altars of satanic black metal to the fire-licked peaks of every tech-death album cover ever, we imagined an underworld ascended—a dark fantasy dragged into the light. Now that we are living it on a day-to-day (and executive-order-to-executive-order basis), however, it’s safe to say we got more than we bargained for. So sorry earth. Our bad. We’ll try to keep our mouths shut next time (if there is a next time).
My girlfriend had been laughing at me for three days. “I have never seen you this excited about anything in the entire time I’ve known you,” she said. And she was probably right. I was seeing Iron Maiden. High-school-me’s capital-B Band. Live. For the first time. At Madison Square Garden. I attend somewhere between 30 and 40 shows every year, but this? This wasn’t a show. This was a notch on the ol’ life belt—by definition, the last chance to see my favorite band for the first time.
More sickening news from the world at large this week. I love metal. My guess is you do too. But as we approach one of the 2016’s first serious AOTY contenders –and one not without its own ethical complications–let’s try to keep all this in perspective. We aren’t saving or taking lives here. We are talking about entertainment, so keep calm and respect your fellow hessian.
Welcome to fall release season, everyone. Just when you thought things couldn’t possibly get any crazier, we went and turned this roving carnival into a full-blown asylum. You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.