For the nine-millionth time, stop blaming “Hipsters” for the census.

Metro: Blame Hipsters for NYSigh. It happened again. After City Councilwoman Diana Reyna stated that “‘hipsters’ may be part of the cause” for the New York City’s inaccurate census results, the media went wild, with L Magazine bringing up the tired “hipsters are too cool” argument, and Metro NY going as far as to accuse hipsters of costing NYC billions of dollars in federal funding. (The Awl has a shot of the even-more inflammatory print headline here).

As we pointed out last April, the “hipster” areas of Williamsburg etc had census return rates that were about on par with the rest of the city, making this more of  a story of media sensation and less a story of substance. It also, as City Limits points out, blatantly ignores very real issues that get in the way of census returns: the fact that so many residents live in inaccessible-to-the-public apartment buildings, that so many residents live in illegally subdivided or sublet apartments, that undocumented immigrants may be less-than-willing to talk about their living situation with a government representative, or that the city’s population may indeed have plummeted due to the this-city-being-so-fucking-expensive-no-one-can-afford-to-live-here-anymore factor.

So can we get over this hipsters-hate-the-census thing already,  and move on to some real problems? Like how you can never reach Northside carservice on weekend mornings, or that it’s been almost two months, and the Weeknd has STILL only put out one mixtape?

ps – you all had better have actually filled out your damn census forms, otherwise I’ll look like a real big idiot.

Interview: Meet the Urban Hunters Who Created the ‘Hipster Traps’

Much like the urban hunters who’ve been silently setting up the NYC hipster traps, we’re semi-professional trackers too–practitioners of the fine arts in tracking someone down who’s done something of note somewhere on the Internet. I enjoy that pursuit. So imagine my astonishment when one of my Facebook friends–granted, we’ve connected because of a previous meme-y deed–owned up to the traps after the whole shi-bang blew up on Reddit!

So we got in touch. I asked a few questions. Behold, Williamsburg! Meet Jeff Greenspan and Hunter Fine, the urban hunters trapping hipsters and B&T types all across the city. These were answered over email, and they collaborated on the answers, so we’ll credit each one as JG/HF. Plus, below the jump, an exclusive video of smart hipsters avoiding the trap on Bedford ave.

FREEwilliamsburg: So, Jeff! You’re the urban hunter who’s placed hipster traps all over the city?

JG/HF: Yes, along with my friend my friend, Hunter Fine, we’ve started setting Urban Traps – the first ones aimed at hipsters.

FW: And who are you guys, exactly, when you’re not baiting the city’s ‘trustafarians’?

Hasids vs. Hipsters

As obnoxious as N+1’s was with the all out twitter campaign for their “What Was The Hipster” book, the essay “Hasids vs Hipsters” is pretty great. Adds some more analysis than the last New York piece and very timely with the Prospect Park West bike lane drama. It’s only going to get worse with better weather, people.

Beware the Hipster Traps

This alleged “hipster trap,” which includes a bear clamp fit with all the earthly pleasures a hipster would wish for, comes to us via gigaface on Reddit, who notes, “Just met this guy setting up ‘hipster traps’ in NYC, baited with PBR and American Spirits. Awesome work.”

[UPDATE: Meet the Urban Hunters Who Created the ‘Hipster Traps’]

Charles Bronson's 'Killing Hipsters'

Rollins Visits Cakeshop, Tells Hipsters To Get Off His Lawn

Nice one Henry. If this is what’s called “aging with dignity” I’d rather be dead tomorrow. This is worth a watch just to hear Rollins accuse someone else of having a massive ego. (Note: yep, that’s Todd P sitting next to Meredith.)

The Definitive Guide to Picking Up Hipster Girls

Memo to the single gentlemen and samesexual curious ladies of Ye Olde Williamsburg: Erica Sackin‘s outlined the definitive steps to picking up a hipster girl over at The Awl today. These things aren’t usually published on the interent for public eyeballs to peruse without your ponying up $19.99 for the limited edition DVD (w/ laser lighter special gift if you order now!). We suggest you go give it a read and get back to us if she, a now self-admitted hipster girl, has left off any glaring ommissons!

I’m not sure why you’d actually want to know how to pick up a young hipster woman. We’re all too-skinny obnoxious know-it-alls who sneer at you for listening to last year’s Billboard Charts topper (unless it’s Lady Gaga, of course). Maybe you like the masochism, I don’t know. Maybe you have a tattoo fetish. Maybe going to rock shows and eating all-organic locally sourced beef and/or vegan meals found in dumpsters is cheaper than that new Ferrari you’d otherwise get in your quarter or mid-life crisis. Maybe you’ve been reading the collected works of Mystery the Pickup Artist and want to expand your repertoire (in which case, stop; there’s a strong chance you shouldn’t be dating any girls, anywhere, ever). Maybe you’re a slightly nerdy boy in a low-fi surf rock band who loves to bake his own pies but is too desperately shy to work up the nerve to talk to the gorgeous brunette with half her head shaved and a tattoo of some Joy Division lyrics on her thigh (in which case, you’re adorable, email me). Whatever your reason, it’s obvious you’re going to need some help. Because I’ve seen you doing it wrong.

Go read the whole thing.

Quick Cliff’s Notes for ya:

Step One: Come to us.
Step Two: Yes, just talk to us.
Step Three: Don’t be creepy.
Step Four: Bone up on pop culture.
Step Five: It’s not called flakiness, it’s called letting your plans evolve.

Geeks Versus Hipsters

Gizmodo’s Joel Johnson looks in the mirror and reflects on his two inner selves — the geek, and the hipster.

Geeks are—by most definitions—obsessive. Sure, there are garden-variety geeks who are interested in computers, videogames, and science fiction, but we’ve generally come to accept that people can geek out on just about anything: sewing machines; exobiology; turnip farming. To geek is to love.

Hipsters are—by most defintions—dismissive. They sort through the detritus of pop culture, appropriate what they find appealing in its quirkiness, cultivating an aesthetic that considers all but allows surprisingly little. To be hipster is to hate.