Williamsburg man upset by ‘hipsters’ found guilty of making phony 911 complaints

spikehill53-year-old Williamsburg resident Louis Segna was found guilty of making phony 911 calls to complain about made up incidents happening around his apartment at North 7th and Bedford. He was found guilty for three calls, but was believed to have made over 400 complaints. Some of the calls were regarding noise levels and some calls were much more serious. From [Read more...]

“Professional party guy” opening Bushwick restaurant with permanent Spin the Bottle table

amancays diner

Because drunk, slobbering, college-aged PDA and scrambled eggs go hand-in-hand. And just like that Bushwick became a little bit dumber:

East Williamsburg and Bushwick locals will soon have a place to play Spin the Bottle — all day and all night.

Amancay’s Diner, a 24-hour restaurant and music venue, is set to open at 2 Knickerbocker Ave. next month with what they’re touting as “the world’s first dedicated Spin the Bottle” table, said owner Chang Han, 48.

The table, surrounded on three sides by a red leather booth, will have a bottle secured to the top, like a Lazy Susan, said Han.

“Everybody’s played Spin the Bottle at one time or another,” said Han, who recalled playing the kissing game with four college students every Monday at his closed East Village restaurant Gama.

Playing games at his businesses isn’t new for Han, who said he used to “get drunk with a lot of girls” and bowl with melons inside the grocery and deli he owned for 10 years, St. Mark’s Market.

At Gama, he wrestled with 21-year-olds in a kiddie pool full of jello. (“I was getting my ass kicked,” he said.)…

The neighborhood needed a sit-down place to eat after the bars closed — and a place for its owner to party for a while, he said…

“I’m a professional party guy,” he said with a grin.

Hipster molting season is here again

hipster-molting

Inside the sober rave in Williamsburg

sober-rave

sober rave (c/o Gothamist & Mathew Gilbertson)

dumb

sober rave (c/o Gothamist & Mathew Gilbertson)

Thanks to Gothamist for doing the leg work. There’s just no way we could take sober dancing and animal masks at 6:30 AM.

A $20 ticket to Morning Gloryville gets you the following: three hugs upon entry (one from each of the Morning Gloryville crew), a plastic lei, and three and a half hours of dancing. There’s a smoothie bar, where smoothies are $6-a-pop and juices run $9, and you can purchase Brooklyn Roasting Co. coffee for around $2-$3, if you so desire. Massages are available for a “suggested donation,” and crews were leading soggy yoga classes every 5 to 10 minutes on the Zoo’s rainy roof.

The dancing, though, was Morning Gloryville’s real bread-and-butter, with DJs blaring house music that reverberated all the way down Bogart Street. The Zoo—which was packed by 7:30 a.m.—boasted a bouncy floor and trampoline, and attendees were all over it, climbing walls, doing handstands and flipping from a rope swing in the middle of the room. The Zoo’s garage doors were open, and passersby kept stopping to snap photos of the dozens of grown-ass adults in sequins doing pike jumps and tossing giant blow-up balls around the faux-graffitied wall.

Morning Gloryville advertises itself as a pre-work “sober rave,” a description that stressed me out initially—how does one survive a strobe-light dance party without intoxicants? Is it appropriate to spike a mango smoothie? Can you blog on an Ecstasy comedown? But those concerns were all for naught, because what Morning Gloryville really is, is a $20 gym class, designed to pump you with endorphins before you move into your cubicle for the day. I prefer running in circles around Maria Hernandez Park but, hey, everybody’s doing their own thing.
The next edition Morning Gloryville goes down on August 13th at 6:30 a.m.; buy your tickets online.

More pics here. You can get tickets for the next sober rave here.

Meet Kalan, the nihilist, anarchist subway performer and puppeteer

kalan-subway-performer

Oh, did we mention he “make things out of garbage and dead animals” and that his act is about “non-narrative” “literary theory.” Meet Kalan:

Kalan leaves us longing for simpler times when Club Animals (the pervy, platform plushies) were giving free bouncy rides on their laps:
[Read more...]

Hipster olds are invading your precious Brooklyn

Old people: what won’t they ruin? As if ushering George W. Bush into office (twice), bankrupting Social Security, and racking up so much goddamn debt that most young people will work until the day we die to pay it off weren’t enough, old people are now literally invading our turf.

Sonja Sharp of the New York Observer writes on April 1 that Brooklyn is experiencing an “invasion of grandmothers.” But why? What does Brooklyn have that the olds want? Is it artisanal coffee? DIY music venues? Farm-to-table vegan bistros? Homebrewing workshops?

[Read more...]

The Hipster Music Index: someone finally scientifically quantified which bands are hip

hipster-chart

Someone’s crunched the numbers! Now we know which bands we should be into and which ones are too popular to be hip. Who knew Boards of Canada was for the bros?

So, the first scientific criterion for identifying a hipster band is that Pitchfork likes them. Pitchfork reviewers like a lot of mainstream music, however, so that’s not enough. The second criterion is that not many people should like that band. The music must be obscure so that people can say, “My favorite band is X, you’ve probably never heard of them.”

To measure obscurity, we looked at the number of Facebook likes the Pitchfork review received. All else being equal, we expected a hipster band to get fewer Facebook shares than a non-hipster band with the same score.

For a given Pitchfork Review Score, the trend line uses a linear regression to predict how many Facebook likes you’d expect the album to receive given its critical acclaim.

By our criteria, the further below the line a blue dot is, the more hipster the band. (It’s high quality but obscure.) Dots above the line represent more mainstream (not hipster) bands.

See the full breakdown, band by band, below: [Read more...]

Beacon’s Closet closed in Williamsburg, but reopens this Saturday in Greenpoint

Beacon's Closet's new Greenpoint location

Beacon’s Closet’s new Greenpoint location

From Greenpointers:

The Williamsburg store closed officially this past Sunday, March 2, and the tentative opening date for the new Greenpoint location, at 74 Guernesey between Norman and Nassau, is set to tentatively open this Saturday, March 8th.

According to the original gangster of Williamsburg thrift shops, “everything about [the new location] will remain the same, just a bit spruced up and less abused.”

“We wouldn’t be where we are now if it wasn’t for the popularity of the neighborhood, but the landlord didn’t even give us the opportunity to stay,” owner Carrie Peterson told the NY Daily News in September, which began their article triumphantly with this cringeworthy line:

“The hipsters are gentrifying themselves right out of business.”

Previously: Two Williamsburg staples are shuttering