Hipster molting season is here again

hipster-molting

Inside the sober rave in Williamsburg

sober-rave

sober rave (c/o Gothamist & Mathew Gilbertson)

dumb

sober rave (c/o Gothamist & Mathew Gilbertson)

Thanks to Gothamist for doing the leg work. There’s just no way we could take sober dancing and animal masks at 6:30 AM.

A $20 ticket to Morning Gloryville gets you the following: three hugs upon entry (one from each of the Morning Gloryville crew), a plastic lei, and three and a half hours of dancing. There’s a smoothie bar, where smoothies are $6-a-pop and juices run $9, and you can purchase Brooklyn Roasting Co. coffee for around $2-$3, if you so desire. Massages are available for a “suggested donation,” and crews were leading soggy yoga classes every 5 to 10 minutes on the Zoo’s rainy roof.

The dancing, though, was Morning Gloryville’s real bread-and-butter, with DJs blaring house music that reverberated all the way down Bogart Street. The Zoo—which was packed by 7:30 a.m.—boasted a bouncy floor and trampoline, and attendees were all over it, climbing walls, doing handstands and flipping from a rope swing in the middle of the room. The Zoo’s garage doors were open, and passersby kept stopping to snap photos of the dozens of grown-ass adults in sequins doing pike jumps and tossing giant blow-up balls around the faux-graffitied wall.

Morning Gloryville advertises itself as a pre-work “sober rave,” a description that stressed me out initially—how does one survive a strobe-light dance party without intoxicants? Is it appropriate to spike a mango smoothie? Can you blog on an Ecstasy comedown? But those concerns were all for naught, because what Morning Gloryville really is, is a $20 gym class, designed to pump you with endorphins before you move into your cubicle for the day. I prefer running in circles around Maria Hernandez Park but, hey, everybody’s doing their own thing.
The next edition Morning Gloryville goes down on August 13th at 6:30 a.m.; buy your tickets online.

More pics here. You can get tickets for the next sober rave here.

Meet Kalan, the nihilist, anarchist subway performer and puppeteer

kalan-subway-performer

Oh, did we mention he “make things out of garbage and dead animals” and that his act is about “non-narrative” “literary theory.” Meet Kalan:

Kalan leaves us longing for simpler times when Club Animals (the pervy, platform plushies) were giving free bouncy rides on their laps:
[Read more...]

Hipster olds are invading your precious Brooklyn

Old people: what won’t they ruin? As if ushering George W. Bush into office (twice), bankrupting Social Security, and racking up so much goddamn debt that most young people will work until the day we die to pay it off weren’t enough, old people are now literally invading our turf.

Sonja Sharp of the New York Observer writes on April 1 that Brooklyn is experiencing an “invasion of grandmothers.” But why? What does Brooklyn have that the olds want? Is it artisanal coffee? DIY music venues? Farm-to-table vegan bistros? Homebrewing workshops?

[Read more...]

The Hipster Music Index: someone finally scientifically quantified which bands are hip

hipster-chart

Someone’s crunched the numbers! Now we know which bands we should be into and which ones are too popular to be hip. Who knew Boards of Canada was for the bros?

So, the first scientific criterion for identifying a hipster band is that Pitchfork likes them. Pitchfork reviewers like a lot of mainstream music, however, so that’s not enough. The second criterion is that not many people should like that band. The music must be obscure so that people can say, “My favorite band is X, you’ve probably never heard of them.”

To measure obscurity, we looked at the number of Facebook likes the Pitchfork review received. All else being equal, we expected a hipster band to get fewer Facebook shares than a non-hipster band with the same score.

For a given Pitchfork Review Score, the trend line uses a linear regression to predict how many Facebook likes you’d expect the album to receive given its critical acclaim.

By our criteria, the further below the line a blue dot is, the more hipster the band. (It’s high quality but obscure.) Dots above the line represent more mainstream (not hipster) bands.

See the full breakdown, band by band, below: [Read more...]

Beacon’s Closet closed in Williamsburg, but reopens this Saturday in Greenpoint

Beacon's Closet's new Greenpoint location

Beacon’s Closet’s new Greenpoint location

From Greenpointers:

The Williamsburg store closed officially this past Sunday, March 2, and the tentative opening date for the new Greenpoint location, at 74 Guernesey between Norman and Nassau, is set to tentatively open this Saturday, March 8th.

According to the original gangster of Williamsburg thrift shops, “everything about [the new location] will remain the same, just a bit spruced up and less abused.”

“We wouldn’t be where we are now if it wasn’t for the popularity of the neighborhood, but the landlord didn’t even give us the opportunity to stay,” owner Carrie Peterson told the NY Daily News in September, which began their article triumphantly with this cringeworthy line:

“The hipsters are gentrifying themselves right out of business.”

Previously: Two Williamsburg staples are shuttering

Video of the bros living in a hamster wheel in Williamsburg

credit: Gothamist

credit: Gothamist

In case you missed the story, they’ll be living, sleeping, eating, and yes, shitting, in this contraption until March 9 over at Williamsburg’s Pierogi Gallery:

Shelley lives on the exterior of the wheel (so, basically, at the top, some 30 feet off the floor), and Schweder on the interior, because he’s afraid of heights.

Everything Shelley and Schweder need, furniture-wise, is fastened to the wheel: bed, desk, kitchen-bathroom combo, comfy chair, lamps, dresser. It looks like everything’s from IKEA.

Each piece of Shelley’s furniture is aligned with its Schweder counterpart. So they both have to work at their desk at the same time, use the bathroom in tandem, they have the same bedtimes, etc. They move the wheel to each station by walking in tandem in opposite directions. They go pretty slowly, for obvious safety reasons, and though it probably would be fun to see them break into a jog, or even go full Streb-style and sprint, that’s not likely to happen. [Read more...]

Spike Lee’s epic rant: people can’t afford ‘motherfuckin’ Williamsburg now because of motherfuckin’ hipsters’

spike-lee

Spike Lee is really upset about gentrification. When asked last night at Pratt about recent articles in the Times and New York (the latter asks Is Gentrification All Bad?), Lee had plenty to say. You know it’s going to get tense when he opens with “Let me just kill you right now.” Highlights below:

On white moms in gentrified nabes:

Here’s the thing: I grew up here in Fort Greene. I grew up here in New York. It’s changed. And why does it take an influx of white New Yorkers in the south Bronx, in Harlem, in Bed Stuy, in Crown Heights for the facilities to get better? The garbage wasn’t picked up every motherfuckin’ day when I was living in 165 Washington Park. P.S. 20 was not good. P.S. 11. Rothschild 294. The police weren’t around. When you see white mothers pushing their babies in strollers, three o’clock in the morning on 125th Street, that must tell you something.

On hipsters and people not being able to afford rent: [Read more...]