David Walentas Is A Psychopath

credit: NY Mag

credit: NY Mag

If you haven’t already read New York Magazine’s profile of David and Jed Walentas, the father and son duo who plan to do to Domino what they did to DUMBO, you should.

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No, The Average Resident of Williamsburg Is Not Rich

Yesterday, Matt Buchanan of The Awl wrote,

Whether the Williamsburg you know ended with Diner in 1998-1999 or Marlow & Sons in 2004 or the Wythe Hotel in 2012 (or whichever milestone you prefer!), the average human living in Williamsburg is now, officially, a rich person—and a young one, at that.

Buchanan bases his post on a June 12 article from The Wall Street Journal (which, incidentally, referenced a post of ours).

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Another Williamsburg institution is closing

Verb Cafe (credit: Timeout)

Verb Cafe (credit: Timeout)

This time, it’s The Verb and — you guessed it — its due to a rent hike. In the late 90s, we remember seeing Nick Zinner and Brian Chase of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs there while getting served coffee by TV on the Radio’s Kyp Malone. Ah, the end of an era (again):

Verb is closing at the end of the month. “The landlord wants us to pay 70% more rent than what we’re paying,” a heavily tattooed Verb employee told us with a weary air of resignation. No one seems to know what’s going to replace it, but the employee said a designer jean boutique was opening in the mini-mall next door, and speculated that the landlord simply intended to “gouge some naive entrepreneurs for their life savings, and they’ll close in a year and a half.” A call placed to Verb’s landlord has not been returned.

J.Crew, Apple stores likely coming to Williamsburg

jpoo2

Last week, we reported that luxury condos will soon usurp the tumbledown je ne sais quos of Wythe Ave. from South Williamsburg all the way up to Greenpoint. Today we learned from Crain’s where the future residents of those condos will buy their flat-front khakis for $75: J.Crew. Full disclosure: I like J.Crew’s khakis, but I would not pay $75 for them. Maybe like $25 if they were on sale.

Crain’s also told us that Apple plans to open a store in Williamsburg. Great news if you don’t want to trek to one of the four Manhattan locations to get your $800 phone built by slave laborers fixed because INSTAGRAM ISN’T WORKING.

Williamsburg to become Murray Hill, then Upper East Side

leo

Yesterday, we learned that Wythe Ave. will soon become a playground for the rich and boring. Today, thanks to a report by Ideal Properties Group, we know that they will soon own all of north Brooklyn.

From the report:

If you have purchased a property in Brownstone Brooklyn in 1Q 2014, you are most likely to be a 31 to 40-year-old male, member of a two-person household, who has already been living in a property you owned in Brooklyn prior to purchasing in order to upgrade your living situation.

You have most likely purchased your property without seeking a loan, and you have most likely looked at properties in Park Slope, Brooklyn Heights, Carroll Gardens, Cobble Hill, Prospect Heights, Fort Greene or Williamsburg prior to purchasing.

Your salary is most likely between $100,000 and $199,999 per year, and you are most likely working in accounting, finance, sales, legal or marketing fields. You are most likely not self-employed.

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Wythe Ave. will soon be all hotels and condos

A new report by The Real Deal reveals that Wythe Ave., currently home to the Wythe Hotel, Brooklyn Bowl, two nightclubs, and various other bourgeois nightmares, will soon be inundated with expensive condos.

From the report:

Sparked by the area’s sweeping 2005 rezoning, the long-time middle-class manufacturing district traded its warehouses for glassy apartments and became the go-to neighborhood for post-college arrivals. First Bedford Avenue got a makeover, and then the waterfront. Now, the once-gritty Wythe Avenue is having its moment, with new rentals, hotels and restaurants popping up — and in a sign reminiscent of the Meatpacking District, black town cars line some blocks on weekend nights.

But the 20-block heart of Wythe Avenue — from the Williamsburg Bridge to the Greenpoint border — reveals that the transition hasn’t always been smooth. Some projects that stalled during the recession are still empty pits, even as others have resumed. “What’s happening is incredible,” said Andrew Barrocas, the CEO of brokerage MNS, which has two offices nearby. “Wythe is filling in the gaps.” Below is a look at some of the properties that are transforming the stretch.

So…the recession is over? Doesn’t seem that way to me, but hey, I’m just some idiot blogger, not a New York City real estate developer.

Now, you might be thinking that the influx of more Wall Street bro/part-time DJ/trust fund types (or whoever can afford to pay $2,600 a month for a studio) would be a bad thing. And you’d be right! But try to look on the bright side. At least with so much new housing opening up, they’ll be able to drunkenly stumble back and forth between their apartments and the shitty bars and clubs where they hang out without having to call for car service, which means you can drunkenly bike around with less risk of being hit by a black cab. Small victories.

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Hipster olds are invading your precious Brooklyn

Old people: what won’t they ruin? As if ushering George W. Bush into office (twice), bankrupting Social Security, and racking up so much goddamn debt that most young people will work until the day we die to pay it off weren’t enough, old people are now literally invading our turf.

Sonja Sharp of the New York Observer writes on April 1 that Brooklyn is experiencing an “invasion of grandmothers.” But why? What does Brooklyn have that the olds want? Is it artisanal coffee? DIY music venues? Farm-to-table vegan bistros? Homebrewing workshops?

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Beacon’s Closet closed in Williamsburg, but reopens this Saturday in Greenpoint

Beacon's Closet's new Greenpoint location

Beacon’s Closet’s new Greenpoint location

From Greenpointers:

The Williamsburg store closed officially this past Sunday, March 2, and the tentative opening date for the new Greenpoint location, at 74 Guernesey between Norman and Nassau, is set to tentatively open this Saturday, March 8th.

According to the original gangster of Williamsburg thrift shops, “everything about [the new location] will remain the same, just a bit spruced up and less abused.”

“We wouldn’t be where we are now if it wasn’t for the popularity of the neighborhood, but the landlord didn’t even give us the opportunity to stay,” owner Carrie Peterson told the NY Daily News in September, which began their article triumphantly with this cringeworthy line:

“The hipsters are gentrifying themselves right out of business.”

Previously: Two Williamsburg staples are shuttering