Brooklyn to be spared this year from the pukenado known as Santacon

Well at least there is some good news this year. The retching, shrieking gaggle of red-suited bro and bro-ettes will be bypassing Williamsburg, Greenpoint and Bushwick this year! As we noted before, the vomit-filled shitfest was originally supposed to commence in McCarren Park, but there’s been a change in plans, much to the chagrin of anyone living in Manhattan:

The 2016 event will begin at 11 a.m. on Saturday, Dec. 10 (although Santas will start gathering an hour earlier, at 10 a.m.). And, contrary to a flurry of reports in late October naming Williamsburg as its starting point, this year’s SantaCon will in fact be entirely contained in Midtown and Downtown Manhattan. [Read more…]

Williamsburg gets the “pleasure” of hosting Santacon again this year

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Ugh. Last year, this piss-stained bro-fest began its unwelcome stagger through New York in McCarren Park. This year the vomit-filled shitfest will return to Williamsburg at at 10am on December 10th.

As with previous years, the parade start location and route will not be revealed until shortly before the actual event—you can check their Facebook for updates on that (there is also a list of participating bars on their website, though it isn’t clear if this is the updated list for 2016 or not). [Read more…]

Here’s the ‘Judgmental Map of Williamsburg’

Judgmental Map of WilliamsburgThe latest in Will Nunziata‘s Judgmental Maps series features a judgmental map of Williamsburg. The map has everything the bros of the North 12th area to the ‘Average Diner’ (Kellogg’s) on Union and Metropolitan. Fairly accurate?

– @joshmorrissey

Video: Shirtless bro harasses Williamsburg residents from luxury condo balcony

broSunday was a beautiful day to walk around Williamsburg except for that bro yelling at people from luxury building The Driggs on Driggs between North 9th and 10th. From [Read more…]

Williamsburg to become Murray Hill, then Upper East Side

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Yesterday, we learned that Wythe Ave. will soon become a playground for the rich and boring. Today, thanks to a report by Ideal Properties Group, we know that they will soon own all of north Brooklyn.

From the report:

If you have purchased a property in Brownstone Brooklyn in 1Q 2014, you are most likely to be a 31 to 40-year-old male, member of a two-person household, who has already been living in a property you owned in Brooklyn prior to purchasing in order to upgrade your living situation.

You have most likely purchased your property without seeking a loan, and you have most likely looked at properties in Park Slope, Brooklyn Heights, Carroll Gardens, Cobble Hill, Prospect Heights, Fort Greene or Williamsburg prior to purchasing.

Your salary is most likely between $100,000 and $199,999 per year, and you are most likely working in accounting, finance, sales, legal or marketing fields. You are most likely not self-employed.

[Read more…]

The 4 Basic Aspects Of Being A ‘Bro’

bro-diagram

Do you have to know who Ryan Lochte is to be a bro? If so we fail:

Jockishness

Bros can be schlubby or scrawny, to be sure. But physical prowess, particularly in sports, seems to be a major part of the construction and performance of bro-ishness. Does the putative bro play a team sport? (And is that sport lacrosse?) Is the party thought of as his team’s inspirational leader? Does the party somehow manage to juggle a sporting life and his salubrious appetite for alcohol? That bro ranks high on our jockishness index. Fist bump!

Dudeliness

Dudeliness is one’s propensity to do bro things with other bros. You talk with your bros about bro things, and you conspire to do bro things with your bros. Dudeliness is a measure of homosociality, a fancy gender studies term for what folks often call bromances — very close, platonic friendships between people of the same sex. A particularly dudely bro is someone you usually think of as an intrinsic part of a larger pack of bros. (Would that be a murder of bros?) [Read more…]

Dancing Alone to Pony & Bros Ponying Bros: A Ginuwine Resurgence

Dancing Alone to Pony is a tumblr blog that collects videos of people dancing alone to Ginuwine’s hit single “Pony.” It is, in DAtP’s words, “dedicated to the solitary soldiers keeping the grind alive.” Pony dancing is quickly moving towards meme status, as another site, Bros Ponying Bros, clearly demonstrates. This merges the rules of “Icing” with what one should do upon hearing the song “Pony.”

The rules to Bros Ponying Bros:

1. When the song ‘Pony’ by Ginuwine is played for you, you must stop what you’re doing and dance.

2. If you have a phone or mp3 player with the song ‘Pony’ by Ginuwine on it on your person, you can block the pony-ing, and the original pony-er must then dance.

Here’s kylepounds, who recorded this “genuwine belly dance” earlier last year, but now finds himself highlighted on DAtP:

(ed: h/t @SuperStartz & BuzzFeed for the bros bit. sorry for two icing posts today. sometimes, it just happens.)

Butchers Icing Butchers at the Meathook

The Post takes a look at the three-week old trend of “icing,” and finds, of all places, that its epicenter is amongst the cleavers and duck hearts of The Meathook!

Sarah Bigelow, a 24-year-old butcher at the store, allegedly iced her boss and Meathook co-owner Ben Turley at the East River Bar. Later, she stepped it up and iced Tom Mylan, who then pondered “how they get that many calories in a 12-ounce bottle.”

Those are just 2 of the reported 12 icings that went down last week over there. What’s going on Mylan? Bigelow’s dangerous! Get that girl in check! Here’s a tip: back-pocket your own ice. That’s your block. Bigelow will be on her knee in no time.