“Well, this is weird,” I said while standing under the BQE smoking a Camel Blue in a robe around 2 AM this morning. Sometimes you experience things that are just “So New York” that you have to chat them out. Last night’s When In Robe party at Body By Brooklyn in Clinton Hill was just the ticket for a delightfully strange night in the Big Apple.
My friend and I arrived at the unassuming spa space located on Park Ave around 11 PM last night. The sign-in list appeared surprisingly sparse, and we made our way into check-in with no delays. The staff was super friendly. They gave us the spiel, handed us a key and robes and we headed into the ladies locker room. After three attempts at finding a key that actually worked in the lockers, we were on our way to a night of hotboxed steam rooms, awkward male energy and killer tunes.
The venue was pleasant. The ladies locker rooms were clean and spacious. There were a number of young girls rubbing their noses asking if anyone “could tell”. I immediately felt old, but I figured why not embrace it. And then we opened up to the door to the dance room. Wait, were we in the right room? It felt like we had entered the wreck room at a church lock-in, only this is a church where there were three European girls dancing their dicks off on molly. And they were the only ones going HAM. To be fair, the party had just started at 10 so there was time for people to flow in, maybe, I guess? There was also a huge table of food, which would later be deemed the “hot cheese” buffet (I deemed it the hot cheese buffet).
The party never quite picked up, and after chatting with a few other patrons I learned this was the first attempt at a Thursday night event for When In Robe. Apparently Sundays had proved wildly successful, but this Thursday just wasn’t meant to take off. That’s cool. It just meant more room in the hot tub for me. We hit up the saunas, screaming the words “EXPEDITE THE BUZZ!” In retrospect, the whole thing seemed pretty dangerous (especially if you’re into heavier party favors), but the venue had plenty of water stations and hydration was encouraged for those partaking in the hot rooms. The highlight of the night was definitely sparking spliffs in the steam room with a dude who was celebrating his 33rd birthday. We met another guy who lived in the same building as the spa, and he assured us it wasn’t always like this . . . damn. He cheefed like a mofo. He also looked like a Kenyan marathon runner, and I was jealous. And in case you were wondering, yes the joints got super wet by the end.
Wax Motif started spinning around 1:30, and he was crushing it. The Australian DJ represented with his signature pineapple adorned turntable. It kinda bummed me out to see the dance floor so empty, so I brought out my wide repertoire of dance moves. After a while, I felt a little weird going full dubslut in my bathing suit. No one else was getting it, and when I looked around, the room was littered with tiny Thom Yorke lookin’ mofos, with wide eyes and inferiority complexes. The sound system was decent, and I think had the party been better attended this could have been a pretty killer dance opp, but alas it just wasn’t meant to be last night. And then there was that awkward, “probably on the spectrum” fellow taking photos of scantily clad women. So yeah, there’s always gotta be THAT GUY in the bunch . . .
That said, for the $40 cover I recommend checking out the event to see what it’s all about. My friend and I both agreed that the party was a lot of fun. I met a lot of nice people, the cocktails were reasonable at $10 a piece and the facilities were comfortable. If nothing else, when are you going to have another chance to go to an EDM party at a Turkish spa? There’s something to be said for those “only in New York”isms. I anticipate that they’ll switch When in Robe back to a Sunday slot and we’ll see a more hoppin’ spa night next time around. As for Wax, well, he’s on his way to EDC Vegas so I doubt he cares that he played for 17 tipsy virgins. Hell, maybe he even helped someone get laid last night.