Guys, I think we might have fucked up. For years we metalheads have fantasized about hell on earth. From the goat altars of satanic black metal to the fire-licked peaks of every tech-death album cover ever, we imagined an underworld ascended—a dark fantasy dragged into the light. Now that we are living it on a day-to-day (and executive-order-to-executive-order basis), however, it’s safe to say we got more than we bargained for. So sorry earth. Our bad. We’ll try to keep our mouths shut next time (if there is a next time).
Alright Lars, count us in [click, click, click, stumble, click].
Following the holiday and post-holiday illness-related hiatus, we are back with the first TOGTE of the new and mundanely terrifying year. As always, we will be covering new records, local shows, and other assorted headlines from across the metal-verse, so strap in and prepare for self-implosion.
There’s a few ways to go with this. We could talk about catharsis and how the world (or what’s left of it) needs metal’s emotional purge now more than ever. I could also climb up on the old high horse and bitch about the lack of it I’ve seen on the lists of music media pillars who espouse diversity, equality, and objectivity up until the point their UVs fall off and the section editors are sent out to pasture.
Anddddd we’re back. Apologies for the Thanksgiving-related departure last week, but what’s the point of all this goat-slaying satanic black metal without a nuclear family and a tiny hometown to terrify with it?
With the beginning of America’s potential end behind us and Thanksgiving looming ahead, we are in need of a prescription-grade coping mechanism today. Thankfully the metal-verse is dishing out exactly that, beginning with their biggest name…