Funnies Tonight: The MacGyver Show!

The bro who created Hot New Website Subway Douchery is tellin’ some jokes tonight at Legion. He, and a few others. Should get some lols.

Tonight, 8pm Tuesday January 12 @ Legion Bar in Williamsburg
790 Metropolitan Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11211-2514 – (718) 387-3797
Featuring:
JORDAN CARLOS ( Colbert Repot: Stephen’s black friend ‚”Alan”, Live at Gotham)
TOM SIBELY (The jerk who created SUBWAY DOUCHERY)
GREG JOHNSON (Sirius Satellite Radio)
JAMIE LEE (CollegeHumor.com, title role in ‚”The Cooler” w/ Alec Baldwin)
ROSS HYZER (Huffington Post)
Hosted by: Danny Solomon (New Orleans Comedy Fest)

via

Creepy Plushy Reunites With His Pervy Match, Moan Of Arc

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Bailey Nolan aka Moan of Arc and Nate Hill aka Death Bear
Last weekend, Death Bear, who in a former incarnation was a pervy dolphin plushy who gave free lap dances and in real life is known as Nate Hill, the leader of the performance art group Club Animals, reunited with his obvious soul mate Bailey Nolan aka Moan of Arc — she’s got her own performance art group too called BabySkinGlove. I know, it’s all very confusing, annoying and pervy. The two used to date and Moan of Arc, apparently out of revenge, decided to stage a reunion of sorts: [via youngmanhattanite]

Near the end of a day visiting ten or so homes as the character I created Death Bear, (dressed in a black jumpsuit, black boots, a heavy, scary black bear mask, and carting off the objects that bring people pain), I was ambushed by one of my ex-girlfriends, Bailey Nolan aka Moan of Arc along with the performance art group she leads BabySkinGlove. That night, in the apartment, they did a performance intended only for Death Bear, and Bailey gave me a box containing the following (among other items):…
1. One of my tied off used condoms (with dried sperm crystals)
2. A swatch of her bloody bed sheet (blood from my testicles from an accidental, unfortunate hair clippers incident — the band-aid came off during sex)
3. A colored paper heart with one side glued her pubic (?) hair and the opposite side small bits of weed and perhaps specks of feces (?)
4. The complete collection of our text messages transcribed into eight pages or so
5. A Trey Songz CD
6. A figurine of two elephants in love
7. Letter to the ‚”Mother of My Death Bear”
8. A diary style drawing
9. Our married names written in different permutations
I am responding to this incident as Nate and not as the character Death Bear:
A little back story…I dated Bailey for about a month. My memory is terrible but I think it was about a month. I had to end it because I started to get feelings for her, and I knew that I should be with another girl that I’ve been dating off and on for seven years…. So that night, Bailey lured me (as Death Bear) to her friend’s apartment whose address I did not recognize.

Young Manhattanite has the full story, via Nate, of what went down. Here’s hoping these two realize they’re meant for each other.
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A swatch of Moan’s bloody bed sheet

The Best Mozzarella is Made Next Door

Tasting Table met my neighbor and master Mozzarella maker Georgiana DePalma Tedone (Times video profile), the wonderful woman behind the counter at the unmarked Tedone Latticini deli on Metropolitan.

Her small storefront, Tedone Latticini, houses a modest, well-manicured selection of Italian goods, but the real draw is the fresh mozzarella this ivory-haired nonagenarian has been making by hand every morning for more than 75 years.
And though anyone can now make his or her own at home, Tedone crafts her mozzarella using the same technique she learned at her parents’ dairy counter–the proof of these years of experience lies in the unmatched flavor of her cheese.

Tedone Latticini is at 597 Metropolitan Ave and I swear to God has some of the best italian meats and cheeses you’ll ever taste.

Shinobi Ninja iPhone Game: Battle Hipsters on the L

Shinobi Ninja plans to release an iPhone game called “Shinobi Ninja Attacks.” In it, users can play as a band member as they battle from Brooklyn to Club Babylon, fighting ‚”evil hipsters named ‘Larry,’ douchebags from the Jersey Shore and angry subway bums.”
The game is set to release on January 28th in the app store, coinciding with a show that night at Le Poisson Rouge.

It’s inspired by their song, Brooklyn To Babylon. Video below, which def features a Mr. Bungle t-shirt:

Insight: "Wearing plaid in williamsburg is like camoflouge [sic] in the jungle."

Twitter.

Scorsese Filming Chanel Ad In Williamsburg

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image by Jenni Avins
from Dossier Journal

Last night, it was decidedly less picturesque. Moto was closed, spotlights glared harshly on Broadway and thick wires coiled around the corner of Hooper, where I overheard ‚”Tony Baloney,” a neighborhood fixture, tell a curious passerby that a Chanel ad was being filmed.
This morning, all traces of the camera crews and their equipment were gone — as was Tony Baloney.
Was it a dream? I called Billy Phelps, Moto’s owner, to find out. He told me the commercial was indeed for Chanel, and none other than Martin Scorsese was directing.

Speaking of Scorsese, has this trailer been running in theaters since the mid-nineties? I swear to God I’ve seen it 30 times (and it looks horrible). I’m not too hopeful about Sinatra — yes he’s doing a Ole Blue Eyes film, yikes — which is in production either.

NYC WTF 2NITE

Ah WTF, I’m almost late on this one, but tonight at Public Assembly AV-DJs Eclectic Method are throwing a party with Dark Igloo as part of the NYC WTF series. RSVP on Facebook for a $7 2 for 1 deal.

Le Chev & Eclectic Method & Faux Mex with another fucking night of loud music and hypnotizing video at Public Assembly 10PM-4AM
When: 10PM-4AM Saturday, January 9th 2010
Where: 70 North 6th St. Brooklyn, NY

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Ticket Giveaway: The Joy Formidable


The Joy Formidable, who opened for Passion Pit at T5 last night (and again tonight), are playing two more New York shows before heading on tour with The Temper Trap. Luckily for you, we’ve got a pair of tickets for Monday night’s show at Union Hall with The Jaguar Club and Ravens & Chimes.
You wanna go? Well, all you have to do is comment on the Facebook thread, and you could have the chance to win tickets to see The Joy Formidable before they blow up real big.