Tonight: World Record Appreciation Society #6

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Tonight at Crash Mansion [199 Bowery], the Universal Record Database (URDB) is back on stage for their World Record Appreciation Society #6, where folks with long hidden talents hope to set records in categories including, Most Knock Knock Jokes Told In One Minute, Most Trivial Pursuit Questions Answered Incorrectly In One Minute, Most Tweets To @Oprah In 140 Seconds (I have MCHammer) and Most Consecutive People Beaten In Arm Wrestling By A Woman In Her Third Trimester Of Pregnancy. The band Blast Off is kicking things off at 8:00 PM. Get tickets here.

Named Best Oddball Night by New York Magazine, the World Record Appreciation Society is back. On Wednesday, May 20, we’re lining up a mix of new stars and URDB legends for our biggest world record night yet. It’s gonna be insane, I tells ya.
Pianos was getting a bit squishy, so we’ve moved to Crash Mansion a few blocks away. We’ll have tons more seating, a higher stage, a bar menu, video monitors…even a green room where our record setters can hang out to escape paparazzi.

Think you’ve got one of your own? It’s not to late to sign up! Get on the bill and set your own world record by emailing [email protected]
[photo of Most High Fives During Pledge of Allegiance via urdb on flickr]

PSA: Find The Stolen Gear

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Nobody expected Friday’s No Fun Fest to take on a literal meaning, but for musicians Joe Raglani and Steve Hauschildt, it sucked. Brooklyn Vegan got news that some fun haters broke into their van and stole everything. The tipster wrote:

Just to let you know, after playing No Fun Fest in NYC last night Joe Raglani’s van was broken into and all of his equipment was stolen. This includes the very expensive and rare synth he’s spent years building up from modular parts and many other unique and custom devices. Needless to say, the rest of his tour has been canceled. He’ll likely need encouragement to motivate himself to begin anew. I’d hate our community to lose his output.

The full list of missing equipment is below. If everyone keeps a loose eye on Craigslist and a few area music shops, maybe we’ll get a lead…send along tips.
[photo via raglani’s myspace]

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"Candy Pants"

Drop what you’re doing. You must watch this now. [Thanks Rumproast]

33 Stupid Sex Tips From Men's Health

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I’ve got a new piece up at Gavin McInne’s latest site SBTVC. Here’s a taste:

For starters, you may want to avoid referring to a woman’s elbows and knees as ‚”hinges,” as the authors do in number 11. And while I’m on the subject, how in God’s name could anyone think number 15 is a good idea:
‚”Season her belly with a little salt, and then slowly lick it off.”
Salt? WTF? You had two authors and presumably and editor working on this thing. None one of you found the idea of turning your partner into a human salt lick fucking retarded odd?
And these two examples don’t even qualify as the most perplexing tips on the list. In fact, when I got to sex tip number 20, I had to double-check the address bar on my browser to make sure I wasn’t reading The Onion:
20. Blindfold Yourself
Many women who are insecure about their bodies stick to the missionary position because you can’t see their bodies that way. If you really can’t see her because your eyes are covered, she’ll do a lot more with you, to you, and for you.

Um. No. Even if she isn’t insecure about her body, she’s going to be if she thinks you need a blindfold to fuck her. Why not just throw a bag over her head and tape some pornography to the spot where her face used to be? If you blindfold yourself she’s going to think you’re repulsed by the sight of her. So let me repeat: DON’T DO THIS.

You can check out the whole thing here. [Mildly NSFW]

Free sunflowers!

I have an RSS feed set up to see everything posted under “Free Stuff” on Craigslist’s in Williamsburg (instructions on how to do that are here)
While most of the free packing boxes and shelves left on a corner after a move haven’t perked my interest, this morning I woke to find this gem:

Sunflower Project
Starting a new project for the Greenpoint/Williamsburg Area. Come pick up a baby plant, water it, and watch it grow to 6 feet tall.
I want to have Sunflower plants all over Greenpoint/Williamsburg, so if you want to take part and add some color to your neighborhood, then come pick up a plant.
Bests
Matt
[email protected]

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Sunflowers all over North Brooklyn? Totally legit.

Free Comedy Tonight

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Because you’re more likely to “have a sad” on Mondays here is a heads up for the free comedy shows tonight…

Anonymous Comics presents a weekly open mic and comedy showcase at Williamsburg’s Royal Oak. Hosted by Rhodees Pierre, Come early for an open mic and 2 for 1 drinks (6-8) and stay for the later showcase from 9-11 and an open improv workshop at 11:30. 21+

and starring at Pete’s as well…a “long-running standup show”:

Jen Dziura’s long-running standup show continues tonight at Pete’s Candy Store starring Jen Dziura’s long-running standup show, starring RG Daniels, Nick P. Ross, Daniel Hirshon, Matt Wittman, and Jim Hill. Free candy for all.

via FreeNYC

Download: Savoir Adore's The Machines EP

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Back in March, Savoir Adore made it onto our radar. Shortly thereafter they were named one of The L Mag’s 8 NYC Band You Need To Hear. And now, along with Cantora Records, they’re handing out a freebie EP to prelude their debut full-legnth, The Wooded Forest, out on August 25th.
Download The Machines EP here. And check out the video for Savoir’s first single “MERP” there.

The Deadliest Catch

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Sure, you’d like to join one of the neighborhood CSAs, shop at the greenmarket, and limit your consumption to Long Island wines and Brooklyn brews, but your accounts currently require limiting yourself to Bud Light wishes and taco truck dreams. Isn’t there any way for you hop onto that whole ‚”local” thing all your annoyingly employed friends are into? Enter the New York State Department of Health. Yes, Albany is, for possibly the first time, working for you.

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